Sometimes I feel like a caged animal.

Sometimes I feel like a caged animal. I walk past people at work (or on the street or in a store), and I feel scrutinized. First, eyes fall to my belly as assessments of growth take place. Second, eyes rise to my chest, and I can literally see the brains processing, “Well THOSE have certainly gotten bigger.” I just hope the third isn’t a turned head as I walk away assessing other growth that’s taken place. I’m a private person. I prefer to keep my private life private, unless I decide to let you in. Currently, my body is giving-away my secrets! Drat, Body. What are you THINKING?! It would be really awesome if, for the first time in months, people would meet my EYES first. After that, feel free to make your assessments. At least you made me feel human for .389 seconds. Or, if you can’t manage that, learn to be more covert with your stares because I CAN SEE YOU.

You know what else is uncomfortable lately? Sleeping. Yes, the time has arrived where falling and staying asleep takes a lot of work and prayer. However, I’m not waking-up as often as I did in first trimester (PHEW). It’s tough to find a position where all parts of me are comfortable. That first night of back or stomach sleep will be so delicious.

Happy third trimester, L Bean! I oscillate between wishing the weeks away because I’m so ready to meet him and asking him to stay-in longer because I’m so not ready. We had a mini-road trip yesterday (we went to Ikea!). On the way home, Mr. H said, “I find myself wishing he’d get here already because I just want to hold him, but I feel like we should probably enjoy these last couple months because it won’t be just us for at least 18 years.” GULP. Well said, Husband. I can’t pin-point the current source of my anxiety and nerves. I think it’s mostly money. Babies are expensive. And we’re the first of our friends to have kids, so friendships are changing and will change. I want to make some mommy friends, but I’m not the best at making new friends. But we also have so much to look forward to. Yesterday, on that very same road trip, we talked about what we want to do next year for Mother’s and Father’s Days. Picnics at Maymont. Trips to the Metro Zoo. Kiddie pool in the back yard. And now when I walk into the nursery I can almost picture myself sitting in the glider with L Bean in my arms. Almost. It’s still hard to wrap my head around the fact that I’m going to be a mom. Most days, I still feel 16.

Latest milestone? Hiccups! I noticed them for the first time two weeks ago in a training session at work, and I’ve felt them every day since. Now I feel them multiple times during the day (like right now and in the middle of the night last night). They last 5 to 10 minutes. I can tell when he gets annoyed by them because he’ll start to twist and thrash.

I have a funny aside to share: Occasionally it literally feels like L Bean is trying to stick a foot out of my vagina. A few days ago, L Bean made such a maneuver, and I made some sort of heavy breathing or grunting noise that got Josh’s attention. He asked if everything was okay, and I explained what it felt like his son was trying to do with his foot. He simply replied, “Maybe he’s hot. You know how you stick your foot out of the covers at night when you’re hot? Maybe he just needs some air.” It makes sense. I know that I’m hot (ALL OF THE TIME), so L Bean must be hot too. Thanks for your infinite wisdom, Mr. H.

Ikea update coming soon! I also ordered a book that I am super excited about and can’t wait to share.


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