Warning: Boys, you may want to steer clear of this one. I'm just sayin'.
For me, recovery was far worse than labor and delivery. When I was in labor, I found sanity and relief in the fact that it would END and it would end soon. With recovery, there's no telling when I'll be back to normal. And who's to say that I'll ever feel normal again. Maybe I'll have to redefine my normal.
The fluids, oh the fluids. I spent the first week and a half wearing the mesh panties that hospital gave me (they were so comfortable. I wish it was appropriate to wear them all of the time) and a GIANT maxi-pad. Every time I would nurse, my uterus would contract and cramp, and I would bleed. That's just how it goes. Over the weeks, I slowly stepped down the size of the pad. I'm a tampon girl, so wearing a pad was awful (although the thought of a tampon right now makes me shudder). I was also given a steroid foam to help with general healing of my lady bits. For me, putting a pad soaked in witch hazel on the maxi-pad was really soothing. My bleeding really slowed by four weeks, and it ended by the end of five weeks. I was SO glad to see the pads go. G-R-O-S-S.
Luckily, I didn't tear. I am so thankful for that. I didn't tear because my doctor massaged my perineum for an hour. And by massaged, I mean he stretched it. At one point he told me that I would be screaming from what he was doing if I didn't have the epidural. I remember him trying to make room for Liam's head by putting both of his hands ALL THE WAY in my lady bits. Ouch. All of that stretching left me bruised and battered. For the first two weeks of Liam's life, I went from the bed to the glider to nurse and back to the bed. Thankfully Liam only ate and slept at that point, but I missed-out on really enjoying the first two to three weeks at home with my son. But I'm not exaggerating when I say I couldn't sit down. When I could finally sit (on the couch and at the kitchen table), I couldn't sit without a pillow. Even in the glider (which has a cushion) I used a pillow. It took me four weeks to get rid of the pillow. After that, I avoided hard surfaces as much as possible or I would sit more on one side of my butt. Today, I am sore at the end of the day. It's manageable, and more annoying than anything. At my appointment two weeks ago, my doctor said it can take up to 12 weeks to really start feeling good, and I totally believe him.
Along with my perineum, my right labia fell victim to delivery. We're not entirely sure how it happened because everything happened so fast, but we think it got caught-up in the vacuum. Sitting forward HURT. The labia went beyond uncomfortable and into painful. It would also bleed. The only comfortable position for me to sleep was on my side (laying on my back hurt my butt until about week five and laying on my baby feeding boobies still isn't an option), but I HAD to have a pillow between my legs. The pressure on my labia without the pillow was terrible. I didn't know this until my doctors appointment at five weeks postpartum, but nursing is an estrogen suppressant. And estrogen is what heals the wreckage that is your lady bits. So if you nurse, you heal slower. My doctor barely moved my labia, and I was squirming and saying, "Ouch, ow, ow ow." He sent me home with an estrogen cream to apply at night. I've been doing it for two weeks now, and it has made a HUGE difference. I actually feel like my labia is healing. I am so thankful for that, because I was worried that I would be something that I'd have to deal with for a long time.
Other than the lady bits issues, I was exhausted for the first two weeks. Not sleepy tired, but just physically exhausted. But I suppose that's to be expected with a new baby at home :)
For me, recovery sucked. I loved being pregnant, and I love being a mom. I even love having a newborn around who wakes-up every two to three hours. For those reasons, I definitely want more children. But to be honest, recovering again terrifies me. In the end, it's completely worth it. And maybe next time the birth won't be so traumatic and recovery won't be so hard. It's definitely not enough to keep me away from having a second... eventually.
Showing posts with label Nasties. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Nasties. Show all posts
How much is too much? It's NEVER enough!
I come to you this evening with a simple question: Is it possible that knowing less is more? My Type A personality is laughing hysterically at you if you said yes. I must know EVERYTHING! As part of my quest to over-prepare, I read this and this (I like OmgMom better, but her website isn't set-up for direct links to posts. You should hope over there sometime! She's REALLY honest, which I totally appreciate). After reading, I shared with a few work friends. I believe the responses went like this: "Omg, I'm never having children!" and "Omg, that's so gross!" MY BAD work friends. In addition to those two lovely posts, I read both of their (FOUR PART) birth stories. One was a natural water birth and one was an induced epidural (if you read OmgMom's story, then you'll totally know what this means: I'm already brainstorming awesome names for my doctor, nurses, and anesthesiologist). Thankfully, I'm less freaked-out and more thankful for the sneak peaks deep in the depths of nasty. I learned from these posts the things that no one ever tells you! The "What to Expect Books" don't mention it. And most of the women in our lives who have experienced theses nasties don't talk about. I'm not even sure I'd be given the whole truth if I asked (probably for fear of scaring me). If it's likely that I'll need to purchase a box-o-Depends along with the diapers, I want to know! P.s. I love the pictures OmgMom provides of the pads and water bottle. I laughed out-loud.
On a lighter note, I finally spent my $150 gift card (plus some) to the mall! I've officially out-grown all of my pre-pregnancy clothes; and since my closet wasn't materializing any new clothes on its own (despite morning after morning of standing there, staring, and pleading), the trip was past-due. Mt first shopping trip for maternity clothes was with my mom. We went to Hip in the Round first. There was a T-SHIRT there that said, "Due in September." It was $48. We looked at each other and ran for the door. We landed at Mothergood Maternity, where the v-neck stretch t-shirts (my bestest friend in the world) are $9.99. YES PLEASE. It's like the Target of maternity stores.
One another light note, WE ORDERED FURNITURE (thanks, Mom and Mike)!!!!! We got the tall dresser, short dresser (which will also be the changing table), and classic crib. We should get a call from Babys R Us some time this week for pick-up (I'd like to give a shout-out to Hope, the COOLEST person at Babys R Us). We also got a glider. I have a feeling we're going to log many, many hours in that chair. I can't wait to put clothes in the drawers, hang pictures, and MAKE HIS BED. Seriously can't wait to organize. I know it won't stay that way, but at least it'll start-out that way. Since we're getting-through all of our nesting tasks way ahead of baby, I often wonder: What will be left to nest when I hit the nesting phase? I can only vacuum the house but so many times.
On a lighter note, I finally spent my $150 gift card (plus some) to the mall! I've officially out-grown all of my pre-pregnancy clothes; and since my closet wasn't materializing any new clothes on its own (despite morning after morning of standing there, staring, and pleading), the trip was past-due. Mt first shopping trip for maternity clothes was with my mom. We went to Hip in the Round first. There was a T-SHIRT there that said, "Due in September." It was $48. We looked at each other and ran for the door. We landed at Mothergood Maternity, where the v-neck stretch t-shirts (my bestest friend in the world) are $9.99. YES PLEASE. It's like the Target of maternity stores.
One another light note, WE ORDERED FURNITURE (thanks, Mom and Mike)!!!!! We got the tall dresser, short dresser (which will also be the changing table), and classic crib. We should get a call from Babys R Us some time this week for pick-up (I'd like to give a shout-out to Hope, the COOLEST person at Babys R Us). We also got a glider. I have a feeling we're going to log many, many hours in that chair. I can't wait to put clothes in the drawers, hang pictures, and MAKE HIS BED. Seriously can't wait to organize. I know it won't stay that way, but at least it'll start-out that way. Since we're getting-through all of our nesting tasks way ahead of baby, I often wonder: What will be left to nest when I hit the nesting phase? I can only vacuum the house but so many times.
Who ordered the early labor enema!?!?
Over lunch, I did some baby reading. A few months ago, such a task was all-around enjoyable. I read about pregnancy symptoms (and subsequently FREAKED OUT every time I felt ANYTHING going-on with my body for the first 14-weeks… thankfully, I am now intimately familiar with the difference between gas pains (YAY PREGNANCY!) and uterine cramps (p.s. I’m not entirely sure what a real cramp feels like because I don’t THINK I’ve ever had one. Nah nah nah naaaah!! ). Before you curse my existence as a woman, my monthly gift is accompanied by back pain, and I mean BACK PAIN), newborn development and care by week, looked at bump pictures, and day-dreamed about onsies that say, “I love my MOM.” Since I’ve read all the fun stuff of babycenter.com, I’ve moved onto heavier topics. Like episiotomies, enemas, pooping while pushing, natural vs epidural, circumcision, and the like. While these topics aren’t as light-hearted as the ones that came before, they’re necessary reads and decisions.
This is my problem: For a lot of the questions posed, my answer seems to be, “I DON’T KNOW!” Those that know me well know that Betsy + Not Knowing (or not being prepared, or not being ready, or not being on-time (on-time is five minutes EARLY, people!)) are like oil and water - we REFUSE to co-mingle. I’ve started to develop a birth plan, which has conjured-up all sorts of indecision and feelings of not-knowing. I mean, what DO I know? I’VE NEVER DONE THIS BEFORE.
Do I want to give birth naturally or have an epidural? I DON’T KNOW – What do contractions FEEL like? Am I as tough as I think I am or am I pain intolerant? Will I be one of the women who react badly to an epidural? Will it slow-down MY labor, like it does for some women? Am I part of the “some women” group? If I do get an epidural, do I want to let it wear-off slightly for pushing? I DON’T KNOOOOW.
Do I want an enema during early labor? I DON’T KNOW – I mean, I’d prefer to not poop during the delivery. But will my body empty itself as labor sets-in? What if I'm induced? Is this something that my doctor requires, discourages, or leaves up to me (don’t worry; I’ve made a list of questions for my next appointment. I’ll make Doc sorry for saying to me, “Wow, you’re easy!” at our last appointment. HA! I didn’t have any questions for him because I hadn’t yet stumbled across enemas or early vs. late clamping).
Do you want to use a mirror to watch your baby’s delivery? I DON’T KNOW. NO WAY! Wait, maybe? I’ve watched a birth video or two, and it’s not for the faint-of-heart. Do I really want to see all of THAT? We’re talking a once(maybe twice or three times)-in-a-lifetime chance here. Me: Josh, do you think you’ll look? Josh: (eyes bulge, heavy swallow): NO. I wish blood made ME queasy.
It’s probably not beneficial to put “TBD” next to 50% of the questions on our birth plan. Right now, I’m trying to focus on the things that I DO know the answer to: YES, I want my coach (that’s you, Josh!) present. YES, I want to listen to music. NO, I don’t want medical students using me to learn (SORRY). YES, I’d like to be free to move-around and walk as much as possible. YES, I’d like the baby to be put on my stomach/chest right after delivery. YES, I want to breastfeed as soon as possible after delivery.
The truth is, for 50% of the questions I don’t have strong convictions either way. And I don’t think that I will until I’m in the moment. So maybe “to-be-determined” IS my best answer. For now. For some of these things, how can you know (I mean, really know) as a first-timer? We can read and prepare all we want, but we just won't know until we know.
This is my problem: For a lot of the questions posed, my answer seems to be, “I DON’T KNOW!” Those that know me well know that Betsy + Not Knowing (or not being prepared, or not being ready, or not being on-time (on-time is five minutes EARLY, people!)) are like oil and water - we REFUSE to co-mingle. I’ve started to develop a birth plan, which has conjured-up all sorts of indecision and feelings of not-knowing. I mean, what DO I know? I’VE NEVER DONE THIS BEFORE.
Do I want to give birth naturally or have an epidural? I DON’T KNOW – What do contractions FEEL like? Am I as tough as I think I am or am I pain intolerant? Will I be one of the women who react badly to an epidural? Will it slow-down MY labor, like it does for some women? Am I part of the “some women” group? If I do get an epidural, do I want to let it wear-off slightly for pushing? I DON’T KNOOOOW.
Do I want an enema during early labor? I DON’T KNOW – I mean, I’d prefer to not poop during the delivery. But will my body empty itself as labor sets-in? What if I'm induced? Is this something that my doctor requires, discourages, or leaves up to me (don’t worry; I’ve made a list of questions for my next appointment. I’ll make Doc sorry for saying to me, “Wow, you’re easy!” at our last appointment. HA! I didn’t have any questions for him because I hadn’t yet stumbled across enemas or early vs. late clamping).
Do you want to use a mirror to watch your baby’s delivery? I DON’T KNOW. NO WAY! Wait, maybe? I’ve watched a birth video or two, and it’s not for the faint-of-heart. Do I really want to see all of THAT? We’re talking a once(maybe twice or three times)-in-a-lifetime chance here. Me: Josh, do you think you’ll look? Josh: (eyes bulge, heavy swallow): NO. I wish blood made ME queasy.
It’s probably not beneficial to put “TBD” next to 50% of the questions on our birth plan. Right now, I’m trying to focus on the things that I DO know the answer to: YES, I want my coach (that’s you, Josh!) present. YES, I want to listen to music. NO, I don’t want medical students using me to learn (SORRY). YES, I’d like to be free to move-around and walk as much as possible. YES, I’d like the baby to be put on my stomach/chest right after delivery. YES, I want to breastfeed as soon as possible after delivery.
The truth is, for 50% of the questions I don’t have strong convictions either way. And I don’t think that I will until I’m in the moment. So maybe “to-be-determined” IS my best answer. For now. For some of these things, how can you know (I mean, really know) as a first-timer? We can read and prepare all we want, but we just won't know until we know.
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